Don't Call Me Supermom

When I became a mother, nearly 6 years ago, I began to notice that some of my friends and aquantainces called me Supermom. I kinda liked it but was also bewildered. What did they see in me that made them think that? I would never think to call one of my friends Supermom even if I thought they were. I certainly didn't walk around my house with my baby thinking "I'm Supermom! I've got Mommy Superpowers and I've got this whole thing under control!" I wish I had had such positive thoughts. I spent most days with my new baby feeling depressed and overwhelmed. I was fearful of every decision that I made.
I am the oldest of 10 children. Being in a large home school family meant that my childhood was spent reading books and taking care of babies. I loved it! At 8 years old, I thought I was a little adult. When I was 11, my mom had twin boys, babies #8 and #9. Life was very busy for her. She needed my twin sister and I to help her with the babies. We were thrilled! We each picked a baby and we became Jr. Mommies. As I moved through adolescence, I began working in the church nursery and became a favorite babysitter for families in our church. I loved children. They were and are my passion.
When I was searching the enrollment website of my University for degree plans to choose a major, I ran across Early Childhood Education. It sounded amazing! The degree plan was heavily based on child development from birth through age 8. I devoured the course material for every class. I had known kids my entire life, but I hadn't known all of the developmental details that I was learning. I was inspired to take the information from my courses and educate families and childcare workers about child development, a dream I hope to realize someday.
My Early Childhood Education degree is both my blessing and my curse. When I had my children, and it came time to discipline them, I was fearful of the long term outcomes of every decision that I made. If I let my baby cry it out, will he think that I have abandoned him? Will he learn that he can't trust others? If I respond immediately to his cries will he become dependent on me for his emotional well-being throughout his life? These questions became fears and they were paralyzing. I could see the pros and cons of every choice I made and what the possible long-term implications were.
I didn't sweat the small stuff with my babies. If the pacifier dropped on the floor, I would give it back. If we had a blow out diaper in public, I would calmly take care of it. I think this is where the first "Supermom" comments came from. I was confident and calm about caring for my newborn. I had done this before. Many of our friends who were new parents themselves, didn't have that confidence.
When I had my second baby, 16 months after the first, the Supermom comments became even more common. I stopped liking it. I knew I wasn't Supermom. I was doing this very hard thing every minute of everyday and all I could see were my shortcomings. I thought that with a background like mine, I should be better at this. A layer of guilt was laid brick by brick and cemented over the feelings of inadequacy that had built up inside of me.
The only time I liked to hear Supermom was if my dad said it. My Daddy would give me a hug and a kiss and say "You're Supermom, you know that?" He would look at me with pride and sincerity and I would beam inside and out. I also crave my husband's approval. When he says "You're a great Mommy." I sigh with relief because he noticed. He can say that to me everyday, several times, and it will never get old.
A few weeks ago, I walked into church at the same time as some friends. We dropped our kids off in their nurseries and went down to Sunday School together. When I sat down by myself, the other mom asked "Did you come here by yourself?" My husband travels alot for work so I quickly explained that Keith is here, he just had to arrive earlier to open the coffee bar. She said "You are Supermom." I cringed and blurted out "Don't call me Supermom. I yelled at my kids to get dressed this morning." I knew what she meant. She was thinking that she could never get her three kids (one is a newborn) all to church by herself. I made some small talk to make her feel better. We do this 4 days a week because we come to preschool at the church as well, my baby is a little older than yours, etc., etc.
Later that day, I realized why I dislike being called Supermom by other mothers. When one mom looks at another and says "Wow, you must be Supermom" what she means is some version of "You are good at this and I am not." I have spent way too much time believing that I suck at being a mom. Every other mom is doing this better than me. The worst feeling is that I am somehow hurting my kids. It is a miserable place to be and I certainly do not want to contribute to any other mother's feelings of inadequacy.
To my fellow mothers, my sisters, I am not perfect. I do not have all the answers. I make alot of mistakes. I lose my temper and often feel as though I am losing my sanity, as well. You are not perfect either, but you are better than you think you are. You love your kids. You take good care of them. You give it your all every moment of everyday and it's enough. Your children love you and are so glad that they have you for their Mommy. Your husband is proud of you. He thinks you are one heck of a woman and he gets nervous when he has to take care of the kids without you. As Glennon at Momastary would say, "Carry on, Warrior."